I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
