I wish i was in the wii world.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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