were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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