M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize