i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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