dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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