I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
