We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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