Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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