So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
