Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
