Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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