onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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