yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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