Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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