can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Sex in the backyard? Check.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
