You're my little dorito
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize