every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
