I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
