Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
