please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
