Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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