you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
