The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
