Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize