Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize