No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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