just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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