There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize