He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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