I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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