We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize