You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
