My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
