Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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