Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
tell your sister to shave her snatch
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
