Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Success! We fucked roommates!
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