Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
