We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
