I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
