Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
