farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish you could order shots online.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The best revenge is premature balding
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
