hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
