every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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