Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
