She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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