I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
