Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
