Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
