New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
