Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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