I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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