What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize