oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
