Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
