so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
