Its about making memories worth repressing
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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