Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize