there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
