I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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