After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize