2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
