she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
