If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
