I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Randomize
