is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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