It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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