It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
