dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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