Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize