Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
