I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Randomize
