At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
