He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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