just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
