this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
