so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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