but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Holy sore nipples Batman
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
