Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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