marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
