Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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