Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize