He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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