The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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